| Strange Feelings |
[Sep. 10th, 2006|11:26 pm] |
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| | Nothing, just her voice echoing in my head. | ] |
Hello LJ community!
(This is my first post!)
Today was another one of those days. You know what I mean. It starts kinda shaky, and ends in a way that makes you ponder.
I spent a good majority of the day sleeping. 11-ish I awoke to a familiar name on my text messaging. Ever time that I am awoken by that name, I smile. It makes me feel good to have someone message me, and say goodmorning.
Then, I got up, and took a shower, ate some food, then went down and sat in my room.
Low-and-behold ... Another text Message!!!!
I now had a plan. Mixed feelings occured, but I did my best to shove them out of the way. Heh.
Why feel strange? I do not need to, so I won't.
I was picked up and taken to subway, where I met up with Beccy.
When I saw here, I kinda felt awkward, but once again...nothing to worry about. It was not her, it was me.
I have had a crush on her for a while now, but I am starting to realise that it is more than I thought. Every time that I see her, I immediately get happy. Every time I recieve a hug, I feel estatic.
----so anyway----
Well, it is time to go, and I have to choose a car to ride in. Not wanting Nick to feel like I was encroaching, I took up his offer to ride in his car.
We then proceeded to her house to hang-out. We hung out for a little, then I got sucked into learning to, and playong Gurps. (General Universal Role Playing System or something like that) I created a character with them, but Beccy seemed to have dissapeared. After my character was done, nick was walking around, trying to find becca, and I just sat on the couch, watching tv. He finally came and sat down too, and was watching.
Well, I had not exactly came to her house to hang with the boys, I wanted to go and see what she was doing.
---voice in my head---
No, you can't.
But Y?
You just can't. Sit here, and wait for her to show back up.
But I wanna....and I'm gonna!
Well, at keast wait for a commercial, so it is not awkward.
Ok.
---End convo---
So, I wait until the end of the show / 15 mins, and I go outside to see where she was.
Well, we talked for a little. Then, she got closer to me, and started sitting with me.
*smiles*
She makes me so happy. Just having someone close, someone to be with. Something that I have never really experienced.
Well, I have had a g/f before, but I did not realy have feelings for her. It felt like an obligation.
But with Beccy, I just feel...loved. And I am speechless.
Got to spend more time with her, then got sucked into the world of Gurps. Problem is, is that I must be in a mood to role-play, and I was really not. But, not wanting to seem , I played anyway.
Then, came the high point of the evening.
---previously, on The awakward moments of keith's life------
A night previous, she drove me home as well, and I kind felt bad leaving the way that I did. It was kind aawkward. I kept saying "goodbye", when I really just wanted to get back into the car, and give her a hug, and a peck on the cheek.
---end previous night---
She drove me home.
She was talking about something, and I was only half way listening. Instead, I was pretty much staring at her. Then she did that thing, where she looks at me and goes "What?" and I responded, "nothing..." and looked away. When I was really thinking, wow. I am lucky. She actually likes me...
She was driving, and holding my hand, and I saw her pass my street. I saw it as an excuse to be around her for a longer period of time. I was wondering if she was going to notice, or keep on driving. To me, It did not matter. She could drive for the rest of the night, and I would not care. I would just have to turn my phone off, for my mother would have bugged the crap out of me.
Well, here we are. In front of my house.
CAr stops, she turns it off.
(this time, I am not going to just get out of the car, and say goodbye. I'm not. Wait, and see if something happens.)
I just enjoy her company. I mean, I enjoy alot of things about her, but just being around her, gives me this air of happiness.
So, we are sitting in the car, and making idle chit-chat. My heart is beating faster, and faster, and all that I can think is...why don't you kiss her? But at the same time, I don't want to come across as a total weirdo, even though I know that I won't.
I have all these feelings about her, yet I cannot seem to tell her about them. Perhaps I do not have enough alone time with her, but then again, the times that I do, I am silent none the less.
Idk what to do. I guess it will all work out, sooner, or later. |
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